The color red can mean a lot of different things: blood, heat, fire, warmth, anger. For me it signifies my ears. My ears?
Let me explain, before you leave just hear me out (pun intended once again!). I have an issue with embarrassment. I can not hide it when I’m a flustered mess of embarrassment and it is overwhelming. It starts in my cheeks, slowly warming just under my eyes, then crawls across my face slowly, heating the surface until it reaches my ears. It then, all of the sudden, burns a red flame into the pigment that lasts for hours.
Red Hot and almost Constant. Unfortunately I am almost constantly embarrassed. Awkward from birth, no escape from the ridiculous words or phrases that jump from my throat. I use to hate that me, tried hide her deep, tried to act normal, or whatever that is supposed to mean. I can also doubt that me with every fiber. So, bringing so much ‘me’ out into written word is unbearably embarrassing.
The red heart muscle. When I fell in love with what I was writing, I became anxious to share it with a few close friends and family members. When I was asked: What is it about? or Whats the title? The red plague cursed the skin and cartilage on my listening devices. I became a stumbling fool, remembering Ian and Marie, their love and the descriptive words I used to explain it.
Their story was so private until now and in telling it, i felt I was betraying them in some way. Luckily as I opened their story to others, the ‘others’ fell madly in love with them too! I could share them finally, and now, rarely feel the heat in my ears.
The few that have followed Ian and Marie from almost the begining are nearly as attached and obsessed with them as I am. Most of the red embarrassment now stays with poor Marie, etched through the pages of her story.
Marie in many ways is all of the me I attempt to hide daily. As I share her story and the more you all read about her and connect with her, the more you know me and connect with me on some level as well. To be honest, this is a terrifying thought for me. As I type that sentence I feel the hotness on either side of my face burn deeper than I have felt in so very long.
I smile a little too, as I think about some of the things I wrote. I imagine women reading my book on their lunch break, hiding in their cars so their coworkers don’t see the flush in their faces or the tears in their eyes. My stomach churns with excitement as I am so close to being able to introduce my beloved characters to the public.
Stay tuned people, it’s about a get red hot in this blog.