A magician can have a complete stranger reach into a deck of cards, seamlessly shuffling away, with a secret. He already knows how to pull off the trick. He can find you amidst the the 53 other cards, he already knows just where you are.

How I envy you, to be effortlessly found.

I’ve been lost for a while. I must have slipped carelessly out of his skilled fingers and worked my way into the shuffle. Somewhere between the ace of hearts and the king of spades. The grape jelly from a stranger’s fingers has caused my smooth backing to become stuck to the card above me.

Each of the wrongs around me are plucked from the deck and presented to the world around as I scream from my spot, I’M STILL HERE! FIND ME! Find me…

Find yourself, my smug inner monologue whispers, somehow louder than any scream I can muster up.

I know, I know, dramatic right? But it’s not dramatic enough! I promise this is just a small fragment of the battle inside of me.

The birth of a new baby is glorious. Sweet chubby cheeks, that new human smell. I am genetically programmed to thrust my time, energy and literally my everything into caring for my little human. Assuring him the best chance at a balanced psyche.

His adorable, fat fingers were the ones who shmeared the jelly to me. The cause of the stick.

I couldn’t possibly worry about the stick. The reason is noble, innocent and pure. The sugars will eventually break down. Through the years he will need me less and I’ll wriggle from my hiding spot, emerging from the deck again.

All I can hope for currently is small snippets of sky, when the deck is shuffled just so. Allowing me to peak through the cracks and smell the freshness of the day around me.

Today is that moment, I can smell the rain, the mud, the molds that grow in the moist leaves that are scattered.

Goodmorning world how long will I be allowed to see you today?

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