It’s a blurred mess of color, life flying past you at record speed. Waking up, getting ready, getting the kids together, getting out the door, getting to work coming home, getting the kids dinner, doing the dishes, going back to bed and doing it all over again the next day. If you’re really lucky you may be able to stop, take a breath, slow things down just a notch. Yes, if you’re fortunate enough to do this on occasion you will witness something beautiful. Your kids are growing smarter and more compassionate each day. They do things that remind you of you which is sometimes infuriating and sometimes overwhelmingly touching.

On the weekends you attempt to plan things to capture the moment. Sometimes it’s a success and you’re able to make memories that will last a lifetime. Sometimes you fail and whatever activity planned has unfortunately gone by faster than you intended. Tempers flare, nerves get lit, fits are thrown into embarrassing public displays of exhaustion. All of these things causing the hours to blend into a mess of what ifs.

It makes a thought of “me time” a sick joke. If I don’t have time to make memories, good memories, with my children how do I have the right to take any time for myself. Time to relax, time to shave my legs, time to paint my toes, time to write my book? I have to find it, Marie and Ian are suffering, stuck in limbo, story untold, unfinished.

Also, to think of it, how in the world will I find time in this blurred mess of days and nights and weekends to not only finish editing the first book but finish writing the second and start writing the third all while trying to figure out how self promote a self-published book? It does help to have a partner who takes hand and some responsibility. Although, then, you get stuck in a cycle of guilt for taking time away from your family to do something that you’re passionate about. Nobody’s there to make you feel guilty. It’s the demons in your own mind picking away at you telling you that you’re not enough, you don’t do enough you can’t possibly think that you’ve earned the right to do something for yourself.

How do you push through? How do you find the time to make the memories, to feel that you are worthy enough to locate a smidge of one or two days to work on something for yourself? I’m still working on that. Working on a balance that will allow me to do all the things that I need to do and that I want to do. I just have to figure out how to slow the days, slow the lights passing by. 

Stick with me people, I know you’ve been waiting patiently for snippets of the first few chapters. Or if you’re one of the few that I followed my journey and read what I have so far,  you’ve been waiting for more . I’ve promised these to you and I will bring them to you. I just have to find a way too slow the time. Let me know if you’ve mastered that in your own life. Show me the instruction manual on how to fit all this in. I will, hopefully, find the time to read that too.

Angela Edmonds