Teraxicam: The specific genepool of my favorite springtime weed. The dandelion. You may ask yourself: Why is she talking about a weed? Why is this even a topic in a writer’s blog? How in God’s green earth (pun intended) is this even related to a book this wacko is writing?
Because I am, was, and probably will akways be as green as a new blossom’s stem. I never classified myself as overtly talented in any area of my life. I have no traditional experience or educational platform. I’m really going out on a limb to convince you, the one in one hundred that are actually still reading, that I’m worth your time.
I started my journey January of 2016. 28 year old mother of a too smart too sensitive 7 year old. Roommate to a man I agreed to marry. More fucked up in the head than I would like to admit. I read, finished and mourned several books and series that thrusted me out of my reality. My safe places where insecurities that stalk me daily, waiting to feed on my overloaded brain and drop kick me into anxiety and depression, we’re casted to the dark recesses of my mind.
I was green. I couldn’t bring myself to start a new relationship. No new book could replace the feeling of loss I was suffering from my last completed read. Back to reality, my son was at school and I had a day off to do whatever my heart sang for. So I sat. I searched the room for something more than clutter, guilt, and resentment. I was a good mom, bad roommate, an even worse partner to another human, but I was a great daydreamer. I forced myself to imagine a million times what true love would feel like. Unfortunately it was not with the person I was committed to. No one’s fault, just young love rushed before we even knew who we were, but that’s another story for another blog.
I darted my eyes from the unfolded laundry to the pile of deadly Legos by the armchair. A glint from shiney black plastic caught my stare. My old laptop called to me from behind the landmines of jagged toys. She begged me to pick her, choose her, love her. She presented me with possibility, to find my escape through my own words. I went to her, pulling her up through the dust and cat hair tumbleweeds. Gently and with hope she still held a charge I dusted the face of the screen and held down the sticky power button.
She was alive, beautiful, and worked as long as her life line was fed with a constant flow of electricity. I opened my stock word pad application and let her take my mind. I became lost in her, possessed by a gracious poltergeist who used my hands and started creating something beautiful. Hours flew by, then days, and months after. I was consumed and obsessed, using every spare moment to let her enter my mind again, literally hundreds then thousands of words flew from my fingertips.
By mid March I was approaching 70,000 words. Panic set in as my research revealed that most novels are deemed too long at 110,000 words or more. I clung to my love, clawed at her until my fingernails were bloodied. I cant lose her now, it’s too soon to wind into my conclusion. My characters are too important to me to last only a few short months in my mind. Through dread and procrastination a trilogy was born. The awe of new possibilities for my new companions became euphoric.
I am green. I am new to becoming an author. I am new to believing that I am worth the time that it takes you, my glorious new friends, to follow each blog. I am new to trusting myself and my passions. I am worth it, my words will bring others to sanctuary, I was meant for this.
I cant wait to offer sneak peeks of my work. I am over the moon that I am fortunate enough to introduce Ian and Marie to the world. I am hopeful that their story will speak to each one of you the way you need it to.
Until next time my loves,